The Dating Game?

Holy cow is being single and meeting new guys a huge freaking game!!!!

When I became separated and then shortly after divorced, it was like the courthouse threw up a batman sign announcing to the world I was single.  It was incredible, the guys who came out of no where to ask me out.  Some I've known for years, simply mind boggling and a bit scary.  I have not enjoyed that part of the single life.  I kind of wish there was a neon sign that I could turn on when I was interested in being talked to or not.  But that would make life and dating a lot easier, and it's not that easy. People are crazy, men and women are equally insane. 
Ok on to the blog post.......

What in the hell did I do before I was married....I don't remember this being so hard. 
At least when I was 21 you pretty much knew what a guy was all about, sex, Sex, SEX!!

Now 14 years later, guys have matured, come into their own and honestly are now stuck in their ways. If they are a jerk....they're a jerk, there won't be any changing it.  If they are picky and scared of commitment....what would be so special about me to change that? 

Now I'm not the kind of girl that thinks you need to find a man and mold him into what you want.  I believe you can find someone that compliments who you are and who you have become. I honestly think you can find someone that you really like/love and be happy together. 

With that said, it's really hard to tell how a man really is, especially around my age.  Some of these guys are single for a reason (well aren't we all?) and they have had years of experience with their "lines".  Or years of experience perfecting their skill. Are they trying to just be nice to get you into bed? Is getting laid still their goal? It really is hard to know who to trust and what to believe. 


So what I have learned so far-

~Meeting a guy in a bar is out of the question
~Younger guys are still about partying
~Men are sensitive too

And that's about it......that's all I have learned about being single this second time around.  It's crazy how much I don't have figured out.

Here's what I don't get...or what are the rules to this "game".

You meet a guy you think is pretty awesome.  You go to dinner, what's the rules.  

How do you dress?   Do you shave your legs?   Does it make you slutty if you do?

Do you kiss goodnight?   How much do you drink?  What do you talk about?  How can you tell if he likes you?  I will repeat....HOW CAN YOU TELL IF HE LIKES YOU!!!!!  

Does he flirt, stare at your cleavage, touch your arm, hold the door for you (well he'd better hold the door), put his hand on the small of your back when you are walking?  Does he offer you a ride in his creepy van that looks like it was on America's Most Wanted? Offer you a piece of candy and ask you to help find his lost puppy? 
WHAT, I'd love to know what? Seesh , this shit is complicated!

Ok so say you go out again or even a few times.  You start liking him, and maybe think he's into you. When is the right time to have sex, or is there a perfect time?  Could you pass up the right time? 3 hours? (I am so not that type of girl) 4 or 10 dates, 6 months? marriage?
How in the world do you have a conversation about the direction of your relationship.  If you're anything like me and shy and have been extremely hurt in the past, the last thing you want to do is have an awkward conversation with a guy who may not even remotely have the same feelings as you just to be rejected. 

Even if you're not wanting to talk to him about a relationship but a possible direction of where he might think it's going? I mean, it's not like any of us are getting younger and we don't want to waste their time or have ours wasted.  But when is the right time? Do you have a talk when you feel like something maybe changing or you are starting to like him more each time? 
You don't want to scare a guy off, so during the first date probably isn't the right time. But when?
One huge question....do guys even think about all of this stuff? I doubt they get with their friends talking about a girl they took to dinner and what she says in her texts. haha

OMG this is all too much, hence all the question marks.


I am a pretty shy person that uses humor to cope with most everything in life.  
After 10 years of marriage your husband tells you the "only thing he's sorry for was not being honest with you in the beginning, otherwise you probably wouldn't have gotten married".  Yeah not sure I'll ever get over that hurt.  That hurt makes it very difficult to talk to guys about relationships.  
Instead I will lament and overthink every conversation, text, non verbal cues, facebook messages, lack of facebook messages, and on and on and on.   After reading that last line back....I'm beginning to think I'm a bit crazy and better off alone. And I don't even consider myself a girl that needs that much attention, I couldn't imagine how neurotic I'd be if I was really needy. I'm beginning to understand why guys may hold off on their feelings for a while, girls are crazy.

Here's my opinion on my own "feelings" and why it's hard for me to trust them.  I was married for almost a decade and have 3 children with my ex husband.  I thought and believed wholeheartedly in my marriage.  I truly gave him my entire being.  I followed him anywhere (not always willingly), but I gave him my whole life. I was very loyal and always faithful.  My heart was broken and I actually felt physical pain.  

But my issue with feelings, is what do I trust now?
I trusted everything before, and look how that turned out, lol. How do you know what instincts and feelings run with moving forward in a new relationship. Does it get better or easier to know what's good or not? I still don't know.

The game of dating is crazy.  I have realized in the last few months, I am completely ok with being alone, but it would be nice to have a warm person to hug every now and then.